Talk at the back desk

I guess it's not really the nurse's station because everyone hangs out there, be they top attendings, residents, nurses, externs, nursing and medical students, anesthesiologists, pharmacists on runs, clinical instructors, or the occasional patient's family member. So we call it the 'back desk.' It's the place I wrote of in an earlier post in which an elated father-to-be proclaimed it exactly like Scrubs.

When we are busy, talk at the back desk is 100% about patient care. When we are comfortable, it's perhaps 50% about patient care and 50% social. When things are slow, people read Okay magazine, describe their cat's latest antics, surf the internet and order takeout. At this point it's maybe 10% about patient care, 40% social talk and 50% about weddings.

Before I moved to the Midwest nobody I knew was married. Now I spend downtime debating the difference between whites- champagne or stardust? I've been to a couple weddings since moving here and my shock at the devotion to classicism and total lack of irony still hasn't abated. At one there were bagpipes, and another (German themed) there was a Beer Garden, both of which totally serious, unfunny to everyone but me. Somehow the back desk at work has become the hub of all things wedding, where I'm slowly learning just how much of a jungle the beer garden really is.

Weekly, someone new is engaged, and everyone ogles their massive diamond ring. When I hear of a new engagement, I give heartfelt congratulations, ask when the wedding will be, how long they've been together... and then go back into my patient's room to chart my assessment of the baby's heartbeat. I always forget to look at the ring! Huge faux pas, I'm sure! And when I do look at the ring, it's like that awkward moment in a restaurant when the server gives me a little taste of wine to sample. I have no clue what I'm supposed to taste or see, it's all red or white, gold or silver to me! I end up murmuring a noncommittal, "That's really nice, I like it..." while wishing I wouldn't be a total fraud if I said something about the woodsy aroma or the emerald cut.

I also have issues with the 40% social talk, because the overwhelming portion of this discussion is gossipy and negative, so much so that I became paranoid and convinced that people were talking about me behind my back. I began approaching the back desk slowly and from odd angles with the hopes of catching people in the act. After all my stealth I scared some people debating bridesmaid shoes, yielded no real results, and my suspicions dissipated somewhat. Now I try to prevent the trash talking by ignoring people when they complain about others and by self-deprecating my own performance so much that nobody else has the chance. So far so good!

I refuse to believe that this is what happens to discussion in a predominately female profession! I don't want to talk about how long it took incompetent Carla to draw up epi during a code or what color sash goes with plum. This week I've been involved in several conversations about the global food shortage and vegetarianism. In the future I hope to talk about the books, politics of healthcare, the ethics of the diamond trade... maybe even the massive elephant in the room... TEENAGE PREGNANCY. So far I've gotten a lot of strange looks and the feeling that if I snuck around the corner from the med room, I'd find that people have a lot more to say about me.